Networking events can sometimes involve having the same conversations over and over again. Questions like What do you do? Where do you work? How’s the weather? Ew, how boooooring!
But networking is about connecting and building rapport with new people. And let’s be honest, not only are those questions boring, they also don’t help to create a connection and build rapport with people you’ve just met.
Instead of wallowing in boring conversations, we have three suggestions for you. A conversation methodology, an acronym you can use to guide your conversations, and a bit of a game. So next time, give one of these options a try:
MML – Match Mirror Lead Methodology
A key way to build rapport with someone is to communicate in a way that is relatable to them. If you’re speaking with someone who is very quiet or introverted, they’re going to feel uncomfortable if you speak to them in a bold and extroverted way. And the opposite is true, too; if you’re speaking with someone whose communication style is loud and bold, the conversation can get quite awkward if you speak quietly.
By matching the communication style of the person or people that you are meeting, you can make sure that they feel comfortable, which builds rapport. “When you meet people where they are, you get in rapport with people. Communication happens best when there is harmony between the styles of communication.” – Vinh Giang
Once you have this harmony, you can lead the conversation to where you want to go. By changing your style of communication, you can draw introverts out of their shell.
For example, if they’re quiet, start on their level and lead them to have more volume. If they’re giving you one-word answers to your questions, don’t give up on the conversation! There are a couple of ways you can get them to open up:
Open Questions: Use the 5 Ws and H (Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How) to ask questions that require longer answers. How did you hear about this event? What do you hope to get out of it? Why did you decide to come along?
Get them to elaborate: Use the TEDS acronym to get them to elaborate on a point. TEDS stands for: Tell me, Explain, Describe, and Show me. It can be as simple as “That sounds cool, tell me more about it.” “Can you explain how that works a little more?”
When you talk to someone, it’s far more engaging to match and mirror their communication style before leading them to an engaging conversation with elaborating statements and questions. They’ll appreciate that you’ve made the effort to talk with them and feel like you’re interested in what they have to say.
CONVERSATION ACRONYM: JIFFS
Another easy way to begin a conversation is JIFFS. This format sticks to some generic things that people are comfortable talking about with strangers. Their Job, Interests, Friends, Family, and Sports.
Job
Ask about their career, business, or job. Even if their job is pretty boring, you can learn interesting things about them by asking more questions.
Some good examples of further questions you can ask include:
“How did you get into this line of work?”
“What’s your favourite thing about your line of work?”
Their answer will tell you a lot about their personal values, which can help you connect with them further.
Interests
This is a pretty vague one, but try to stick to the positive side of things. Ask about their interests and hobbies. You’d be amazed at the different interests and hobbies that people have. Hiking, birding, gaming, art, baking, acting, you name it.
You can learn a lot about someone by asking and talking about these topics. And you can learn a lot about the specific interest too – you never know, you might even find a new hobby yourself!
You can learn a lot about the things that they value, which can, in turn, help to create a connection, especially if you share a common hobby or interest.
Friends
Asking about friends at a networking event might seem a bit weird, so let’s widen it to colleagues and acquaintances, too. Finding a mutual friend or acquaintance is always a fun connection point between the two of you.
This is where the Christchurch question “What school did you go to?” can lead to some interesting points of connection.
Family
You can ask about their family. Partners, kids, siblings, even parents, and as most millennials would agree, pets are part of this category too!
When talking about family, there’s probably a fine line that distinguishes genuine curiosity from being creepy. So, try to contextualise your question.
Ask questions like: What does your [partner, sibling/s, parent/s] do for work? How old are your kids? How are they enjoying school? How do you balance your workload over the school holidays to manage the kids?
If you want to go above and beyond, try to remember their answers to some of these family questions. Then bring it up next time you see them. Remembering small things like this makes people feel important and like you care about them.
Sports
As New Zealanders , we’re good at talking about sports – especially rugby, cricket, netball, and snow sports in winter.
However, we’re trying to create a connection with this person. So instead of talking about our regional and national teams, ask them about their sport/s of choice. Do they like to play solo sports? Team sports? Or do they not like sports at all?
This will also show you how they connect with their community. Do they ref their kids’ football matches or sponsor a local club?
RAPPORT GAME: High Low Buffalo
This quick connection-building game was introduced to us by Vinh Giang, an internationally known communication specialist who also teaches communication. He has a video that explains it very well; you can watch it HERE.
In essence, High Low Buffalo stands for three things you share about yourself:
HIGH is something good that has recently happened to you or something positive you’ve done.
It could be a business success, a challenge you’ve overcome, some great feedback that you’ve received, or a goal you’ve achieved.
Big or small, it’s actually important to talk about the good things that are happening in your life.
LOW is something not so great that has happened.
This could be something challenging that you’ve been facing, a difficult client or team member, some negative feedback that you’ve had, or just a bad experience you’ve had.
BUFFALO is something interesting about yourself.
Sometimes it’s tricky to think of something interesting about yourself. But remember that other people don’t know you as well as you know yourself. Tell them about a short or instrument you play, a hobby you have, or something funny that happened in your past.
The reason that this game works so well is that it gives your conversation structure, so you’re not floundering about trying to find a conversation path to follow. The three different things that you share show three ways your conversation can go. So pick one and ask more about it so that you can learn more about this person you’ve just met.
You can explore each part of High Low Buffalo and have a real conversation that doesn’t rely on boring small talk.
Once you’ve connected and feel like you’ve built a good level of rapport, ask them for ways to stay connected with them. Connect on LinkedIn, organise a catchup at another time, or just grab their contact details so you can connect at another time.
And if you’re looking for more conversation starters that you can use in your networking events, have a look at one of our previous blogs: 5 Interesting Conversation Starters for Your Next Networking Event
