A lot of people feel uncomfortable with the idea of networking. There is a preconception that you’re heading along, first thing in the morning, to a group of suits to listen to an hour’s worth of sales pitches. And let’s be honest, most of us don’t want to be pitching our businesses or be pitched to for an hour, especially not first thing in the morning.
What if I told you you’re thinking about it all wrong?
It’s a completely normal way to think about networking when you’re first starting. We don’t exactly get a handbook about it when we start in business, and it’s not usually something that we get taught. So it’s easy to fall into that assumption.
But networking isn’t about just pitching your business to a bunch of other business people. Although it can be, if that’s what you want to do. But it can be so much more than that.
So, if it’s not all about sales, what is it all about?
Networking is about creating and maintaining relationships with other business people. That’s it. That’s the trick.
Instead of worrying about selling your product or service to the people that you meet, worry about having a good yarn.
And to those of you who do worry about that, we get it. Have a look at some of our previous blogs to help you have better networking conversations.
And, what’s the easiest way to build relationships with other people?
Being genuinely curious about the people that you’re meeting and their business.
Think about the best and worst experiences that you’ve had at a networking event.
Often, you’ll find your best experiences happen when you meet one or two people that you could just talk to forever. Conversation flows easily, and you just clicked. Whereas some of the bad networking experiences happen when you’re talking to people that you just can’t wait to get rid of, and then you get stuck in a conversation that you just can’t get out of.
What is the difference between these two experiences?
Usually, the difference is because of the different levels of curiosity that the people you’re meeting have. Enjoyable networking experiences rely on the people you’re meeting to have similar levels of curiosity to each other. Too much curiosity can make you seem nosy. Unenjoyable networking experiences happen when someone you’re networking with is not curious about you or your business. Often, it’ll be someone who spends the whole time talking about themselves and then hands you a business card and leaves.
People like to feel heard and like others care about them (and their businesses). When you can make someone feel like that, they’ll feel closer to you.
Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it’ll never kill your network.
Being curious about other people’s businesses at a networking event might seem counterproductive to some. You don’t go to networking meetings, events, or groups for other people’s businesses. You’re there for your business, and everyone else is there for theirs. So why should you be curious about their businesses?
Well, networking is a relationship game. And how do you build a genuine relationship with someone? By being curious and genuinely caring about them.
So how can we stay curious about other people to make better networking connections?
1. Ask questions
The easiest way to be curious is simply to ask questions of the other people you’re networking with. And I don’t mean the boring small-talk that we often have about the weather and whatnot.
I mean, questions that you actually learn something from. That can be learning about them, their industry, their business, and their products and services.
Start with open questions (Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How) to ask questions that require longer and more complex answers. Then if you dont understand fully or you would like to clarify something, get them to elaborate with the TEDS acronym. TEDS stands for: Tell me, Explain, Describe, and Show me.
Some great examples of questions include:
How did you hear about this event? What do you hope to get out of it? Why did you decide to come along?
How did you get into your industry? What kind of help do you need in your business? Is there anything I can do to help?
Then, to expand it, it can be as simple as
That sounds cool. Tell me more about it. Can you explain how that works a little more?
Asking questions like this can avoid the awkward small talk that everyone hates. Instead, we can learn something and build genuine connections with people.
2. Listen carefully
“Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” –Stephen R. Covey
If you’re going to ask questions and be genuinely curious, you do have to listen to the answer. More than that, you have to listen with the intent to understand, not with the intent to reply. It’s also called active listening.
What’s the difference?
When you listen with the intent to answer, some of your brainpower and concentration is going towards thinking and planning your response while the other person is speaking, which can make them feel unheard and damage your relationship. On the other hand, listening with the intent to understand means that your brain is focused on the speaker and the content of the conversation. It’s a more empathetic communication skill, which can help you to build stronger relationships purely by listening.
When you listen, it’s important to show that you’re engaged with the conversation. There are a couple of ways to do this:
Verbally
To verbally show that you’re engaged in conversation, it’s first important to avoid interrupting the person that you’re talking to. By not interrupting, you’re showing respect to the other person you’re talking to.
The next way that you can verbally show that you’re engaged is by conversing respectfully. To do this, you can paraphrase what they’re talking about, ask clarifying questions, reflect, and summarise the points back to them, too.
Non-Verbally
Non-verbal communication is also a super important way to show that you’re listening and engaged in the conversation.
One way to do this is to show non-verbal engagement is to maintain eye contact with the people that you’re talking with. Within reason, that is, it can get a bit awkward if you never break eye contact. This shows that you’re interested and that you’re not thinking about something else, like how you’re planning to answer the conversation.
There are other ways that you can show your engagement within a conversation. Having open body language and nodding are other ways that you can show that you’re listening and engaged.
3. Keep an eye out
Don’t just take on WHAT they’re saying, take on HOW they’re saying it and what that means. There are things to watch out for while you’re talking too. Watch the people that you’re talking to for different signals they might be giving off.
Watch their body language. Do they fidget or cross their arms? This can be a sign that they’re nervous. And you have he ability to help calm their nerves by listening and asking engaged questions. If they’re incredibly animated, it can show that they’re very passionate about what they do and will enjoy having someone listen to them.
Body language is a tell for how someone is feeling, and when you can tell how they’re feeling, you can guide the conversation easily.
Another thing to notice is their tone, as it can also indicate how someone is feeling. Pitch, speed, and volume are all things that you can use to decode how someone is feeling. A higher pitch can indicate excitement, while a lower pitch sounds more serious. A faster speed of speech shows enthusiasm, while a slower pace indicates deliberation and seriousness. Volume can also make a difference – louder can mean excitement, urgency, or importance, whereas quietness can indicate calmness.
The last thing to keep an eye on is your own emotions, especially if you have an expressive face or resting b*tch face.
Whenever you talk to a new person, you run the risk of talking about things you disagree with or dislike. And if you have a very expressive face, it may occasionally show your displeasure in the conversation. So do your best to keep that under control.
One last thing – try to remember
The last thing is to try and remember some of the things about the people you’re talking to. Now that might be easier said than done, given how many people you might be talking to. But you never know when you’ll meet one of them again, and trust us, they feel great when you ask them a question that shows you were listening the first time you met them.
People are often happily surprised when you remember little things about them and the conversations that you have with them.
So, next time you’re at a networking event, stay curious about the people that you’re meeting. When you stay curious about the people that you’re meeting, you’ll be able to create and maintain better relationships.
